


Between you and me, and you aren't here

by Windfighter



Category: Marvel, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Gen, sorry Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 16:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18318596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: There's a party in the tower. Tony has escaped it and is currently sitting on the balcony, watching the people inside, when he decides to open up. Just a little.





	Between you and me, and you aren't here

The door to the balcony closed with a thud. Tony took a tighter grip of his glass.

”I know what you think about me.”

Steve looked at him, he didn't look back. Instead he leaned his head against the small sheet of metal that kept him from falling towards the ground.

”What do we think about you?”

”That I'm egoistical. Self-absorbed. Narcisistic.”

”And you aren't?”

”Tony Stark not recommended”, he answered. ”I invited you here, built floors specifically for you. Egoistic? Maybe.”

He let out a sigh and put the glass to the floor.

”An expensive PR-trick.”

He looked at Steve.

”It's what you all think, isn't it?”

Steve's lack of answer was all the answer he needed.

”Yeah, I'm used to that by now. It's been my whole life.”

Tony let out a sigh and sank further towards the floor. It was cold under him. He glanced through the door, at the people inside. Talking, laughing, drinking.

”This party though”, Tony continued, ”it is definately a PR-trick. A way for the people to see just how much of a family we are.”

He pulled his hand through his hair, fixed his tie and tried to force a smile.

”So I should be in there, I know I should be in there.”

”Then why aren't you?”

Steve's voice was understanding and fuck it was never that understanding when he talked to Tony and Tony had to rewind the conversation.

”I know I should be in there.”

”Then why aren't you?”

Steve sounded angrier now, like he always did when he talked to Tony and Tony relaxed. He gestured towards the party on the other side of the door, slid a little further down when a certain blond walked past it and then pulled himself up again.

”Because if I go in there all of you will give me The Look.”

”The Look?”

”Yeah, you know. The Look. The one you always give me”, Tony tried to imitate the look of utter disappointment and judgement that they always sent in his way then laughed it off. ”I'm not... as good at it as you are. I'm more of a smile and a sarcastic remark and a stupid joke.”

He picked the glass up again, emptied it.

”I will kill the mood. Because that's all I do. All I'm good for. Tony Stark not recommended.”

”You're not a teamplayer.”

”I know. Maybe there's a reason why I'm not.”

”You're egoistic and never think about anyone but yourself.”

”It's hard for me. Hard to trust.”

Steve laughed. Tony rewinded the conversation again.

”Tony Stark not recommended.”

”You're not a teamplayer.”

”Everytime I've tried people have turned around to kill me.”

Steve didn't answer, his gaze to the floor. Had Tony's casual remark broken him? Did he need to rewind again?

”I'm... trying”, he continued. ”To trust you people. It works somedays. But then you whisper. And look at me like that. My trust falters those days.”

”I don't know what to say.”

No, he fucked up again, Steve would never not know what to say, Steve always knew what to say even if it was just another swipe at Tony, another knife in his back. He glared at Steve.

”How do I get you to behave like you?”

”Maybe a blow to the head would help loosen whatever screws you have up there.”

Not quite right, but better. Tony stopped glaring.

”I don't know cap, I don't know what to do.”

He dropped the glass. It shattered between his legs and he looked at the shards before burying his fingers in his hair.

”I want to trust you all, I really do. I'd give my life for each of you. You're all worth so much more than I am anyway. I know it and you know it and Fury knows it and the media knows it and everyone knows it. I'm just...”

His shoulders were shaking and he felt his eyes getting watery.

”I'm worthless. I'm only here because I can build you stuff. And if I wasn't here you'd just find someone else to build it.”

He took a shaky breath, didn't dare to look at Steve.

”We shouldn't need to pretend to be friends. If you want me to go hide in the workshop forever, or leave the tower or disappear or... or whatever...” He hesitated. ”You'd tell me, wouldn't you?”

The door to the balcony opened again and Tony looked up, stared at Steve who was staring right back at him, concern in his eyes and Tony had to look away because he wasn't worth it.

”Tony?” Steve asked. ”Are you all right out here?”

Tony took a deep breath, forced himself to smile and pulled himself up from the floor. He waved away the imaginary Steve he had just been talking to, looked towards the real one.

”Always. Did you miss me? Can't handle the press on your own?”

Steve rolled his eyes.

”Just get back inside before you catch a cold.”

He held the door open and Tony hurried back inside, warmth and sounds embracing him. Steve walked beside him as he went to the snack table.

”Who were you talking to out there?”

Tony smiled, winked at Steve.

”My demons.”

”Your...” Steve blinked, then shook his head and raised his hands in defeat. ”Never mind, if you don't want to tell me then I'll be off your back.”

Steve huffed, turned back around and left and Tony stared after him, felt the weight in his stomach grow heavier then shook his head and went to talk with the media. The party was a PR-trick and he would play his part. He could hide from his teammates and the evergrowing feeling of loneliness when it was over.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So uh yeah. That story was weird. I'm not sure if it was clear enough but... the Steve Tony talked to on the balcony wasn't the real Steve. Obviously. Anyway, hope you... somewhat enjoyed it?


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